Just leave me the f*ck alone!
July 16, 2008 9:25 amAaaargh! Is it too much to ask these days to just be allowed to get on with things?
I want to walk down the street without getting chugged by some dreadlocked trustafarian on £25 per signup.
I want to be able to visit a toilet in a nightclub without some creepy guy popping out of a cubicle holding a tray of crap to sell me, just standing there watching me trying to have a slash, grinning a pair of pearly whites at me and saying “alright mate?”. No, no I’m not fucking alright! I’ve come to take a piss - get the fuck away from me. (The Roadhouse, Covent Garden - great happy hour prices - freaky toilet experience. Never again!).
But most of all, I want it to be fully legal to mow down any c*nt who approaches me while I’m sat in traffic in London with a bucket of gritty water and a knackered old squeegy. The approach I don’t mind so much, but I very VERY clearly indicate “no thanks”, and STILL the gritty sponge is wiped across my windscreen, and then they draw a damn HEART shape in it! And still carry on. And give you this fake upset look, standing gormlessly by the driver side window as if I owe them something.
Tactic I learnt quite quickly was to put a strong solution in the washer tank and use a drawing pin to move one of the nearside jets to squirt towards the pavement. Then as they approach, you simply wash the windscreen so they can get near without being squirted.
Can anyone else think of things like this?
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2 Responses to “Just leave me the f*ck alone!”
People collecting money for charity in obnoxious places, like the entrance to the tube on the way to work, or in the street when I am trying to shop.
People getting on the tube and asking for money. There are two main ones on the District Line. The guy who pathetically whines “please, I just want a little bit of money so I can get something to eat tonight” and the guy who alternately sings “Kiss from a Rose” by Seal and goes off on anti-capitalist rants insulting the commuters for their boring, office-bound lives, before asking for money.
Of course, all this is utterly insignificant compared to the entire class of hangers-on who collectively steal half of my income and make it unbelievably fucking complicated, time consuming and boring for me while they’re at it. Life is too short to deal with those cunts.
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